The Death of Motivation and time for deployment

I'm at a loss of what to bake. I kinda cupcaked and caked myself out. I decided one day that I don't actually like chocolate. Could it be that I had been baking nothing but chocolate cupcakes for the previous 2 months?!

Right now, I'm hanging out until I take a short road trip with some friends. I don't have time to bake anything extravagant or fancy but I want to bake. What do I do? I suppose I could make a simple pie or a no bake pie and cheat (Heaven FORBID!) by using a pre-made crust or graham cracker crust. I think my conscience would probably eat at me later...

For now, my motivation has been slowed. I'm for sure missing my wonderful husband who will be gone for a bit--as in 6 months. I'm thankful for what I have but I'm giving my mixer and spatulas a break. I'm wanting to get more into my art and spending time with my friends and training for the marathon. Having a husband that deploys in the military is an honor and a bitter thing.

Deployment leaves a family behind whether it's a spouse or a mother and father. Being left behind is not the hardest job in the military nor is being a military wife. My husband's job is the hardest one and I support him. Someitmes my support means letting him go.

My husband will be leaving me for deployment in a day and a half. We've been through this once before. This time feels different. The first time around I gathered so much information from military spouse forums, garnered advice from magazines and online articles. I was scared and didn't know what to expect.

It felt so formal going with Sam to the outprocessing meetings at the Airman and Family Readiness Center. They asked us how our marriage was, if we were okay with the deployment, and other emotional questions. Not only was it nerve wracking, but also exciting. Gosh--this is something big in the military: A deployment. Separation from each other for at least 6 months not knowing if we'll be able to talk or write each other often enough to keep both our spirits up and happy.

I'm sure I cried and got bitter. I remember detaching myself emotionally from my husband a week or two before he was to leave. Protecting myself and my emotions, distancing myself from the situation, and abandoning my feelings was the only way I knew how to get through that situation. I realized quickly that it wasn't healthy and decided to just cling closer to Sam before he left.

This time around, I have no feelings of bitterness. I've only broken down once. I've accepted that deployment is a part of the military lifestyle. Am I trying to stuff my feelings? Perhaps. There's time to cry after he's gone. For now, I'm enjoying spending my time just being near him. The little things are the biggest reminders of the love between us. It took deployment for us to figure out important elements of marriage.

Sam's first deployment helped us draw near to each other and to our relationship with God. We were forced to communicate. There was no way around it anymore--we had to be absolutely open and honest with each other about everything because we didn't have physical presence with each other. We got through that first deployment by opening our hearts to each other. Our marriage significantly improved. I had felt a bit like a robot the first few years of our marriage--trying to situate myself to this new life and to please my husband. I then realized it was time to speak up and out if I had an opinion on something, not just stuff it down. We ordered some relationship and marriage books and read them together. I'm so absolutely thankful for the deployment. Our marriage was improved.

This second deployment I am not certain about yet. I feel closer to Sam than I've ever been. I love him more than ever. He is my absolute best friend. He empties the dishwasher for me. He buys me flowers randomly. He switches the laundry out. He takes care of the pups. He holds me close and holds my hand in public to show everyone that I am his. He makes me feel like I'm beautiful. He makes me laugh so hard I cry. He is the only one who I've ever had near me who understands my humor, my thoughts, and why I do what I do. He encourages me to paint, to write, to dance, to live.

Six months will pass just as they have in the past. Time won't slow or speed for a wife who misses her husband. I look forward to deveolping hobbies and relationships that I have either taken for granted or never knew were there. I will run a half marathon. I will paint my mural. I will continue my college coursework. I'll probably master another area in baking. I hope this deployment will bring us closer as the first one did. It's up to us for that to happen.

It's always been up to us to make our marriage grow and become better than what it would be otherwise. I am responsible to be honest and loving to my husband and to think of ways to make him feel special even though he is on the other side of the world.

I'm nervous. I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm at peace. All at once.

Where does the time go?

My gracious. It felt like yesterday that my wonderful husband signed up to join the Air Force. I still remember him leaving to go to boot camp. I drove away from the mall parking lot in a bit of a shocked daze, not knowing what to do with myself. While he was away at boot camp, I decided to start experimenting with baking. My dessert of choice? Started making cheesecakes. It was a mix of my love for the flavor and my hatred for the jello cheesecake mixes that just didn't taste right.

Now, cheesecakes are a simple thing for me to make and I still love hearing people's responses when they try it for the first time. I've spoiled my friends and in-laws with my cheesecake. At events or conferences, they claim that the cheesecake is horrid compared to mine. I'm thankful I can make a decent cheesecake!

Time has flown. Sam is getting ready to go on his second deployment. I'm confident this deployment will go smooth as compared to the last one. We were unprepared the first go 'round and now we know what to expect. What shall I make on this deployment? Shall I perfect pie crusts? Angel Food cakes? OH I can't decide!! THE CHOICES!

I made a peach cobbler a few days ago--- five bags of frozen peaches, cup of sugar and vanilla, and mixed them into a dish. Mixed 2 cups flour, 1 cup sugar and 1 cup butter together and plopped it on top. baked for about 30 minutes.... YUM! Stuff like that is so simple to make and is so pleasing.

Experimenting in the kitchen can yield amazing results---like adding a bit of banana flavor to key lime pie. Also...it can yield rather nasty results---such as adding vanilla to hamburgers. hrm....

I had a bit of a meltdown today when I Realized how much time has passed in my life without doing anything I really REALLY want to do. I feel a bit out of place--- like I have a blank canvas in front of me and thousands of paints and brushes to choose from but I can't decide what to paint---so I just stand there in front of the canvas. It's kind of a sad thought if you think about it. I just can't decide if I want to bake, paint, draw, clean, build, destruct, et c. I really feel an urgency to start doing what I am passionate about. The question is, however, what is my passion? For now, I'll continue to bake and paint, play piano and video games, and exercise. I enjoy those things.

Any suggestions on desserts for me to try to perfect? I'll chronicle the tests and maybe even send you the results if possible!

Darth Vader Head Cake

My nephew just turned 4 this weekend. My hubby and I traveled back across the barren wasteland that is Western Kansas, and went to his birthday party! The day before, my mom and I spent about 3 hours assembling this cake.

Specs:

5 layers of chocolate cake

Rich and creamy chocolate buttercream between the layers

Weight: 15 pounds completed

Covered in Milk chocolate modeling clay dyed black

May the fours be with you!

Demolished head cake.

Chocolate Modeling Clay

To be fair, this was my first time using chocolate modeling clay at all, let alone to cover a massive head cake. It works like fondant but tastes much better--closer to the flavor of a vanilla tootsie roll. Simple ingredients too: melted chocolate and corn syrup.

If I were to do it again, I'd make white chocolate modeling clay and experiment with airbrushing or painting it the color I want. The black wasn't worked all through the white chocolate mixture so there were splotches of little white specks.

Sculpting the cake

Sculpting this cake wasn't as hard or bad as I thought it'd be. I just made sure to use good strong chocolate cake recipes--not ones that turn out really moist or airy. I froze all my layers before I stacked them and after filling them with butter cream, froze it a bit more. It made for shaving off pieces of cake much easier! I used a serrated knife and took off a bit at a time, looking at it as I went. For the face, I used a smaller knife to cut into the cake. I then covered the whole thing in butter cream so the chocolate modeling clay would adhere to it.

Rolling out the Clay

I really wished I would have bought my mat sooner! I found out about the mat on a couple of other decorating blogs and youtube. It came in the mail today, not three days ago when I needed it. I couldn't roll out the chocolate clay in too big of pieces because A. I failed to microwave it for a few seconds to warm it up and B. I didn't have enough workspace. I think if I'd have used the mat, I'd been in a better position. Check out these two sites-- basically, it's two pieces of large nonstick plastic that you place the fondant between and roll it out. You lift one piece off and then set it on the cake instead of letting the fondant drape or fall off your usual rolling pin or hand method.

For more information or ordering

http://www.sweetwise.com/

For a video on the product

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHd77XeTCdc&feature=related

If I had to do it over, I'd have taken more time and better care in rolling out one large piece of modeling clay rather than trying to piece it together. I'm pretty happy with the result though! My nephew seemed to like it and it tasted great!

Homemade Vanilla Bean Extract II

Here are some photos of my homemade vanilla bean extract---day 1 and day 5.

Vodka and Vanilla Beans immediately mixed on the left and mixed together for about 30 minutes on the right. I've found that in the bottles that I scraped the vanilla seed out of the bean, the extract seems to be getting darker sooner. Day 1.

It appears cloudy and most likely will for a long time until it gets fully infused after about 6 months. Day 1 photos.

Two large bottles of vodka later...Day 1.

I'm sure to shake all the bottles daily to continue encouraging infusion. I'm so excited to taste it after a few months! It's a labor of love.

Day 5. It's really starting to look good! I love shaking it up and seeing all the floating beans mix with the vodka. I'm just so excited to try it.

Luscious Lemon Cake, Vanilla Bean Buttercream

I was so excited when I tested the batter for my lemon cake recipe. It was so perfect-- it had the tang of lemon with the mild sweetness of a yellow cake. I was so excited to get these guys in the oven and get them frosted!

I'll admit (shame on me?) that I use lemon oil from the candy making aisle of Michaels (Hobby Lobby or Joanns) instead of fresh lemon. SHAME! OH THE humanity! But...it yields such a great and consistent flavor.

Lemon Cake with Vanilla Bean Buttercream

(thanks to allrecipes.com)

1/2 Cup Butter

1 1/4 Cup Sugar

3 Eggs

1 tbsp Vanilla Extract

at least 1 tsp lemon oil/lemon extract. flavor to taste!

2 Cups flour

2 Tsp baking powder

1 Cup milk (However, I used 1/2 milk, half buttermilk. GREAT result)

Whip the butter and sugar until light and creamy.

Add the eggs one at a time.

Add the extracts.

Sift the flour and baking powder.

Add the milk and flour mixture to the butter alternately.

Pour into cake pan that's been greased. (I used 2 9 inchers for a double recipe)

Bake until toothpick comes out clean. Don't overbake. I baked mine for 20 minutes and then checked it every 4 minutes after that.

Cool and frost.

Fluffy Vanilla Bean Buttercream

(thanks to wilton.com)

1/2 Cup Shortening

1/2 Cup Butter (softened)

1 Tbsp Vanilla Extract (OR if you have fresh vanilla beans, use 3.)

2 Tbsp milk or heavy cream

max of 4 cups powdered sugar

Whip the shortening and butter until very fluffy and pale. LONG time..as in...15-20 minutes.

Add the extract and milk.

At this point, you could either dump the full 4 cups in the butter mix or add powdered sugar one cup at a time until it's the consistency and taste you'd like.

Honestly, the best thing here is just to taste it after about 2 cups. I hate that artificial sugary powder flavor that frostings overwhelm in cakes and cupcakes. If you don't add the full amount, it'll still set up GREAT and it'll taste just smooth and creamy as it should be.

Use!

If you put it in the fridge, whip it up real quick before you use it. It'll get a little stiff.

Enjoy making these lemon cupcakes...man...they are tasty!

Chocolate Cupcake

Just finished baking and decorating my chocolate on chocolate cupcakes and cake. Here's a teaser.

Yum! The cake was a request from a coworker and the cupcakes are a leaving for deployment gift to a friend from work.

Homemade Vanilla Bean Extract

I don't know if I can express to you my utter joy and excitement when I realized what I wanted to make for Christmas presents this year. I'm a huge fan of homemade gifts and have been mulling over homemade cocoa mixes, stamped card sets, etc. Suddenly, like a deer in the headlights, my eyes lit up and I thought of what I wanted to do-- Homemade Vanilla Bean Extract.

I set my sight on purchasing vanilla beans wholesale. Who else is frustrated at the price of vanilla beans in store? Two for $7.99? SERIOUSLY? Shoot me now. I mean, with prices like that, saffron won't any longer be the most expensive spice.

I did a little research and found a site called Amadeus Vanilla Beans. I searched their site and almost keeled over in my chair when I found the price for a pound of vanilla beans-- $45.99. GASP! Oh the humanity! Then I realized how many beans were in a pound-- over ONE HUNDRED vanilla beans. Oh my goodness.. is there ANY way I could NOT buy these guys?!

I placed my order for one pound of Tahitian Vanilla Beans.

I waited by the mailbox...

I eyed the postal worker suspiciously with a hint of hope when he drove up and dropped off the mail...

I waited...

FINALLY They came! My hours of waiting at the faux mailbox finally paid off when I opened it and saw a little box with my name on it!

I opened it up..and..

VANILLA BEANS!

Oh boy... I was giddy.

My next goal will be to find little glass jars with lids and some high quality vodka to finish my ingredient list for homemade vanilla bean extract. The process isn't hard but it is time consuming. Vanilla extract won't be ready overnight...in fact...it's best to let it cure for about 6 months.

SIX MONTHS?!!!

Yes. Six months! The bean needs time to settle into the vodka (alcohol) and release all the flavor. In all actuality, I've read that flavors get released within two months..but the longer you let it sit and marinate, the more potent your extract will be!

I have yet to test this recipe, but it's pretty straightforward how it works. Happy Extracting!

Homemade Vanilla Bean Extract

(Thanks to Stephen Block)

2 cups vodka (you can use brandy or rum)

6 vanilla beans

glass jars/vials with lids, sterilized (boil them for about 10 minutes to kill germs)

Pour the vodka into the jars/vials.

Cut the vanilla bean lengthwise and scrape the seeds out the bean. Place both the bean and the scraped seeds into the vodka. If the bean won't fit, cut it in half or thirds.

Shut the lid and shake vigorously. Some people recommend you shake it daily, others say shake it weekly. Either way, shake it up!! Keep it stored in a dark place.

Voila!

Not only would this make an excellent addition to your spice cabinet, but it would make an even better gift!! Oh the possibilities--lemon extract...hazelnut extract.... WEE!!!!

Have a fantastic day. I'm off to go enjoy my vanilla beans!!